Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
