If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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