Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
