Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
