Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
