how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
