matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
did you just send me my own nude
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
