Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
