Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I enjoy the company of your penis
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize