Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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