Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
