after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
