Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
