so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
