can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
