I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
