Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
