Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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