I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
