Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
