On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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