from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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