I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
this will be a night to untag.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
