Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
