I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
