I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
