4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
