I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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