I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
