new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
