I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
