This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
