I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
