You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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