i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
