1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm really into asian looking animals
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Randomize
