adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
