i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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