all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
