How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
