I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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