I want to walk on stilts...naked
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
