I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
