listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
