Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
