Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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