At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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