I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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