it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
