You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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