Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
false alarm. still invincible.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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