Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
