So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
