Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
