my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
smell my finger.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
