i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
