Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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