Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
