dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
