I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
