just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
