I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
