I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
