names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
