What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
