I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
