my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Do vagina's smell?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
