I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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