My Higher Power is John Stamos
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
