I have demons in me.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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