no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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