Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
