Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I need to sanitize my soul.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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