He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
