goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
