a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
