Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
