I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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