doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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