when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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