that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
