It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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