So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
